|
I spent a year catching up on the landmark fantasy series that defined my teen years, and accidentally wrote my autobiography. Hop in for book reviews and cringey reveries as I resume a dozen or so series that filled the warlock hours of my adolescence. On mapsEvery epic fantasy novel begins with a map. This is the baroque visual reference authors use to keep readers oriented in their imagined world. It’s also the drawing board where the author turns to sketch and daydream and procrastinate, envisioning the sprawling landscapes their characters will travel, the nebulous destinations they’ll seek, and the treacherous bogs, cliffs, and caves that will beset their journey along the way. PrologueIn the late 1900s, the Dawn of the Millenials, the idyllic time before the war, I was about ten years old and sketching the roads of my own life’s map. Ten, of course, was the age when all millennial children began to choose from the paths of life, gaining autonomy and ambition, expecting to explore strange worlds and do great things and fight evil. At ten we collected our starter Pokemon, awaited our Hogwarts letters, and double-checked closets and wardrobes for hidden portals. My own inciting incident was a little more mundane — my parents split up, my mom re-married, and she, my stepdad, my brother and I moved through a series of low-income apartments around town. While I waited for those other magical inevitabilities to manifest, I spent the meantime exploring strange neighborhoods, meeting odd characters, and tapping out Goosebumps knockoffs on my electric typewriter. I was also getting to know my stepdad. He’d moved to town from Seattle, and before that, the east coast. He’d been many places, lived many lives, and collected many things. One of these things he brought to me one day, noticing, I’m sure, how much time I spent in my room reading. It was a wooden box full of cassette tapes. On the top, engraved as though crafted by elf hands, was “The Hobbit.” I didn’t know much about fantasy, but I knew the Hobbit was a classic, ageless and revered. Sealed in such a treasure box, how could it be anything less? This was deep lore, a chest of secrets, an artifact of the illuminated. And so, one night, closed up in my room, I laid on the floor and put the first tape in my stereo. Over hiss and grain the narrator intoned like a wizened minstrel. Hobbiton took form in my mind, a pastoral setting that moved much more slowly than the stories I was used to. In fact, Bilbo and Gandalf’s “good morning” banter struck me as tedious and annoying. As the dwarves arrived and Bilbo puttered and fussed, I struggled to find anything to latch on to. Bilbo wasn’t ten. Bilbo was like, 45. Dudes were singing songs about dishes. It all felt old and antiquated, like one of those crumbling cart rides with the forgotten IPs at Disneyland. I don’t think I made it past the first tape. I wasn’t ready for Tolkien, but the allure of his books endured. It was a traveled and orphic mind what pondered these orbs, and I wanted to ponder them also. Without knowing it, a road had chosen me. And now I step back from my orb. I’m 35 and reading the Silmarillion for the first time. The road goes ever on. I hadn’t thought about that Hobbit box set, or my moody, unmoored preteen years for several ages of men, but returning to Tolkien brought it all back. Picking up a new book in a series always sends me back in time, to the early books, and the time and place I read them. They’re the dorky history that explains one’s dorky present. Movies and games, too, but we generally spend a lot more time in books. They’re parallel worlds we travel in as we write our own stories, travelogues of who we were and where we were going. On the fantasy map of life, I can trace the roads they paved from there to here. In the years that followed I churned through the major fantasy releases, chasing the dragon from one series to the next. Some I finished; others I lost time for along the way. Often I’ve wondered how I ever had time to read them at all. It struck me that doorstopper fantasy series are probably most often read in long stretches of solitude. They’re a weeks- or months-long preoccupation, an alternate reality that the reader steps into when they need a break from all this. To read eight to ten brick-sized tomes in a row probably means you have a lot of time you’d prefer to spend alone, or circumstances you want to escape; stretches of introspection and loneliness and low points. Looking at the books on my shelf, recalling my solitudes as though they were blazoned on the spines, I decided it was time to resume the old quest: to revisit those old worlds and those old selves, and finish the dozen or so fantasy series I’d left languishing over the years. Do they hold up? Is the magic still there? And what cringe-soaked chapters of my own life would I find recorded inside? Where was I going, what was I feeling, and what responsibilities was I ignoring while I holed up in their pages? Was fantasy a salve for the wounds of adolescence? Inspiration for a meaningful career? Or just a meandering, isolating distraction? Would I have been better off picking up a football? Looking at the books on my shelf, recalling my solitudes as though they were blazoned on the spines, I wondered what cringe-soaked chapters of my own life might I find recorded inside. Where was I going, what was I feeling, and what responsibilities was I ignoring while I holed up in their pages? Was fantasy a salve for the wounds of adolescence? Inspiration for a meaningful career? Or just a meandering, isolating distraction? Would I have been better off picking up a football? A memory stirs across the surface of the orb... The Lord of the Rings |
| Then, as the school year ended and summer came, my dad and stepmom decided to split. I wasn’t let in on the details. I don’t even remember saying goodbye. I just knew that one day, the three invaders went back to Oklahoma. Suddenly the good bed was mine again. The after-school hours were mine again. The house was quiet. One of those spans of solitude opened like a lonely mountain road, and that elegant Lord of the Rings, thicker than a bible, glowing with potential, waited in the passage. |
| Eaters is the reincarnation of a rare first-hand travelogue written by the pious 10th century Arab Ahman ibn Fadlab, who was conscripted by a band of Vikings to a harrowing quest to save a northern village from a tribe of savage Wendol. Fadlab chronicles the group’s travels, their battles with leviathans and hoards of mist-monsters, and at some point the story becomes Beowulf. Annotated with Crichton’s observations on translations and interpretations of fantastical accounts (the sea monster was probably a whale), it’s a succinct and scholarly work, but also an early flex of his proto-science-thriller style. |
| One day, browsing randomly, a thick crimson-and-gold tome called to me: Wizard’s First Rule by Terry Goodkind. It had a sword guy, a dragon, and a damsel on the cover. Why not? I cracked it and got hooked. I read in class like a nerd supreme. When I got to the scene where the wizard makes a mob of angry villagers think their dicks had fallen off, I had to put it down and tell my friend about it. When I finished it, I checked out the second volume and started collecting the next nine. I caught up to the end just before the final book came out, which was about the time when online SFF fandom, author blogs, and message boards were starting to proliferate. From those I discovered the pantheon of acclaimed and arcane many-volumed fantasy series. |
| When I decided to catch up on the fantasy series I’d never finished, the final three books of the Wheel of Time were 3,000 page gorillas I knew I’d have to take on. I’d left off after Knife of Dreams, the last that Jordan wrote before he passed away. When his widow chose Brandon Sanderson to take up the sword, I followed the saga on Sanderson’s blog. I loved Mistborn and I loved the meta-story of Sanderson rising to his sacred task, but as the years slipped by, life’s travails made these final doorstoppers seem ever more daunting. Now, deep in my fantasy revival, the madness had me again. Massive books were dopamine dispensers again. I’d been using The Gathering Storm to prop up my car for repairs, but I switched it with a cinder block and returned to Randland. |
A public repository of projects, fictions, and other transmissions.
November 2025
February 2023
January 2022
March 2021
January 2021
July 2020
May 2020
April 2020